Dealing with peer pressure in child gifting

We recently received feedback from a user congratulating us for not promoting peer pressure on Purposit. Indeed, we designed the app to make sure that no friend or relative making a contribution feels awkward or forced to give more than they want or can just because others may be giving more. I will elaborate on that later but first let’s talk about peer pressure and how it affects children and adults.

Peer pressure is not necessarily a new phenomenon. We all grew up with it. Kids and adults have always been influenced and pressured to fit in with a group and certain social brackets. It is in many ways part of human nature and can change our values, attitudes and behaviours in order to please one or various individuals. It has positive aspects but also many unwanted, painful side effects. In certain circumstances, peer pressure evolves into bullying.

I remember my teen days with coloured hair, flannel shirts and Dr Martens boots in the early 90s. All my friends looked the same. When my husband was 9, he was part of a cover boy band for Menudo. Have you ever heard of them? Ricky Martin was in it when he was very young. Anyway, he joined ‘the band’ just because his neighbours were in it.

Okay, these are sort of harmless  (and also hilarious) experiences where peer pressure played a fun and somewhat positive role. In some cases, peer pressure can encourage children to participate in different activities while becoming socially active too. In many instances though, the memories are not so fond.

While peer pressure has been a constant in the lives of parents and kids alike, the advent of social media and technology has taken it to a whole new level. Peer pressure is no longer limited to school lunch breaks and small gatherings. It is now everywhere from ads on TV to social channels.  Teaching our kids the importance of knowing when to stand their ground instead of giving in to be accepted is a huge, difficult task that most parents struggle to master.

Kids have to deal with enormous pressure at school and from their own circle of friends to have certain ‘things’ from toys to the coolest and latest gadgets. Children and teens also have to navigate the world of online advertising where marketing masters can make you a star if you buy xxx outfit – as well as the celebrity pressure.  How to guide them to pursue their own happiness without requiring peer approval at all times is a complex process.

It’s a hard balancing act for mums and dads to teach their kids to stand their ground when needed. And let’s face it – we adults also struggle with peer pressure. Let’s look at gifting, but from the perspective of an adult giving something to another person.

So how does peer pressure affect a person giving something? It does it in many ways. For example, in some cultures, giving an expensive item in a shiny big red box is a sign of status and achievement. In those places, it is not uncommon for givers to buy something beyond their budgets or means just to keep up with their social circle.

In crowdfunding, peer pressure can also be quite pronounced. Several platforms out there publicly display how much money each person is chipping in for a given item. That’s done intentionally to put pressure on other givers to chip in a value that perhaps is higher than they wanted to contribute in the first place, but they do not want others to perceive them to being stingy or not generous enough.

Some would argue that peer pressure works well for charitable donations so more money gets raised as the donors feel ‘encouraged’ to give more. Perhaps that can be accepted for charity or social raisings, but when it comes to friends and family chipping in to buy gifts for someone they know, that’s not an ideal situation.

We designed Purposit to avoid peer pressure as much as possible. For this reason, a friend chipping in for a gift cannot see how much money others have given. Only the parent or the organiser of the event for the child sees those values.

That’s a simple way to make sure that everyone involved is focused on getting the gift funded for the child. No need for anyone to feel pressured to give more or feel embarrassed cause others have made larger contributions.

Each friend has his/her own financial circumstance, thus ranking, exposing or judging friends based on how much they give is not in the spirit of Purposit. We believe that every contribution counts and every friend or family member will give what they can to help the child achieve his or her goals. It’s about getting real friends and family members to work together towards the same objective. It’s a positive celebration to get a gift funded and that should be enjoyable for everyone involved. No room for peer pressure there!!

What about you? Have you had any funny or bad experiences with peer pressure that you want to share with us?